i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
