did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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