All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
