By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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