Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
