He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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