butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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