I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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