I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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