Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
