This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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