then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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