two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
