Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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