do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
