It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
