This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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