You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
