just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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