escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
