Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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