It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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