Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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