i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
