So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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