I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
