Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
