...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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