btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
