I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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