i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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