I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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