I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
