he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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