I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
