So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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