If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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