god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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