i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
