All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
