three words: i give head
three words: not that well
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize