He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.