someone get that fucking seahorse.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.