I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I looked at my own cervix.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Im part way to drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.