Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.