I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking