It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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