I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
