My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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