I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
