How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
