Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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