Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
