OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
