Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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