I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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