Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
