atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
