DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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