You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
