when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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