He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
