guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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